One Wish

-for some time I have wanted to never have a wife -and too no real friends or family contact -the friends I would be likely to have with no real support. And not ones I would like in any real way -a wife I think probably the marriage would fail. And children would never truly accept me -each day I constantly think of a new really silly basically pathetic thing I have done -making it hard for finding friends etc -today I thought again of about 1986. My Grandparents and I stayed at the home of relatives in another city for a Wedding. I spent spare time in a room alone avoiding contact. I had the goal I would while there try to for a change do High School work there. But this didn't happen -in 1978 in class we made a large white paper stuffed Moomin from the children's books. They looked like upright white Hippos -I was allowed to have it and I took it home -my Grandmother got rid of it and made me a same sized green velvet material stuffed Moomin -maybe something set up that to mean I can use those to set up never having a real partner, real friends or real family contact -I kept it most of my life but stupidly took it to an Op Shop. Because of a 'Crowded House' video Twice if You're Lucky with Teddy Bears. Neil 'Finn' the main member. I read they were originally going to call the band The 'Mullens' -the Moomin -two Moomins like to say this -one title Finn Family Moomintroll. As in Fin Family -books written by Tove Jansson. As no having real children -at my first Primary School when I was in the Library first looking at Moomin books. I asked the Librarian a few times how to pronounce their names. Like no marriage as in saying I Do -out in the sea off the coast of close to me. An island looking like a Moomin lying on his stomach. I can have sex and get people pregnant -at Bayfair Shopping Centre nearby my Mother 'Christine / Christ' said to me she thinks my Father was named Ian and he lived in 'Hastings' / Heaven.' I can still be a 'Christian' -at the opening of Baycourt Theatre I went with a boy named Phillip Hocking because Charles and Diana would be there. He looked a bit like a Moomin / Hippo. Fill Up Fucking -I reached out without asking and shook Charles's hand. He said nothing and probably couldn't practically -I was going to wait a few days before deciding this but knew I would. Like an agreement. And using the time in 1983 I was close to Charles and Diana -shaking hands. Like Praying. Like saying I can still be a Christian -after thinking of the idea when I shook hands maybe that set off agreeing -I thought Baycourt Theatre. I can still be a star -President Lincoln was shot dead at Fords Theatre. I can still be a super hero. Court as in Caught